After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
