All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Fuck me I smell like cheese
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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