Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize