life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
