She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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