oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I will be naked everywhere
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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