Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
