420 ftw
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
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