Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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