I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
