Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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