So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
