just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
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