BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
