I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
