Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize