Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
