cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
my sisters under your porch take her home
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
