hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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