Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
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