is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Randomize
