he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
