I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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