I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
