That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
