If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
