no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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