just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
