ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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