I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
