At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
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