So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
