R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
