i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Randomize
