I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
