Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Randomize
