I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
