there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
He is an equal opportunity slut.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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