I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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