So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
