somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
