if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
