Umm I'm too high to move.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
