he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
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