you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize
