God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
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