WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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