Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
