He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
