Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
