"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
