I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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