I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
