Betty ford says i'm here all night
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
