So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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