we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
