we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Randomize
