sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
