and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
