So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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