the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
