Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize