That's intense
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
