you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
